Over the years from childhood to adulthood, I had become what you might call an expert in the field of suffering alone. I had become a silent victim and attempted to hide my hurt at all costs. I emotionally detached myself from others and truly believed I was strong enough to handle the devastation of being sexually abused all alone. The isolation only intensified the torment inside me and confirmed my false belief that others would not be able to understand me if I did share my pain with them. It seemed my only reward for my effort was extreme loneliness and brokenness.
Thankfully, God met me in the depths of my despair and provided me a way out. His plan to end my silent suffering involved the very creatures I had worked so hard to avoid....people. God had carefully placed specific people in my life who were the very ones who would share my burdens with me and walk with me through the pain. It was never God's intention that I suffer alone, I had made that up all on my own. The "all on my own" mentality was the very thing satan was using to destroy me, until God opened my eyes.
In my life walked the beautiful feet of two individuals who God has used to change my life. When I finally found the courage to share with them my pain, my suffering alone officially ended. I now had people who loved and cared about me carrying this burden with me, but God did not stop there. I had just started going to a new church when during the announcements a video popped up of a woman sharing her story of sexual abuse. She shared how God had helped heal her wounds and spoke of a sexual abuse support group starting in just a matter of weeks. In that moment my heart was racing and I was just sure everyone was staring at me and somehow knew my story. When I finally crawled back out from under my chair I realized that nobody in the church was looking at me....except God. His gaze was focused on His broken child and He had a plan. With the encouragement of my dear friends I hesitantly signed up for the class and a few weeks later, after standing outside the door of the room for 15 minutes shaking, I walked into a small group of women who knew wholeheartedly the pain I was experiencing. Unfortunately, they felt its sting too....I was not alone. If that wasn't enough, God had even more! On the first day of this class one of the leaders spoke of a counselor who she highly recommended to anyone interested. She gave out her number and within weeks, I sat in the office of this wonderful person who over the course of about a year has profoundly affected my life. She helped me talk about and process through some of the darkest hours of my life and has loved me through it all. She has spoken truth over my life in the areas where the lies dwelt for years. Yes, she is my counselor...but she is also my dear friend.
In the course of a few months I went from fighting this painful battle alone to having a whole army of warriors fighting with me. Trust me when I tell you it is much more bearable with people supporting you. The book we went through in my support groups just so happens to be titled, "Shelter from the Storm." One of the things it says about recovery from sexual abuse that spoke to my heart was "only you can do it, but you can't do it alone." It is still a painful and long journey, but God never intended for us to travel it alone. My God given guardian angels disguised in human flesh did everything short of take the painful journey of healing for me. Though they couldn't run the race for me, they definitely carried me all the way up to the starting line. They have been my biggest fans and have encouraged me with every stride. They have picked me up when I have fallen and lovingly nudged me forward when I wanted to turn around a quit. They speak truth over my life when the enemy tries to attack me..and oh does he ever try to attack. The difference is now I have a safe place to turn and safe people to turn to. I'm overwhelmed to know that the almighty God loves me enough to bless me with the gift of these incredible people in my life. It is a beautiful day when you come to the realization that you are not alone. Dear friends, I hope today is that day for you.
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