Hope

With all the pain and various emotions that I experienced after I exposed my secret, it did not take me long to realize that I was drowning.  There were definitely times in the beginning when I did not think that I would be able to survive and come out of this, it was just too hard.  Depression had officially made itself at home inside of me.  I have heard people describe depression as the feeling of being trapped in a black hole with no hope of getting out.  I found my way to that black hole.  I came to that deep, dark place of absolute sorrow….the place where hope is lost and sadness cannot escape….the place where you begin to picture what the world would be like if you were not in it….the place where you imagine the one permanent remedy to be rid of all the anguish.

I have tears in my eyes as I think back to the loneliness and how close I came to giving up the fight.  Had God not intervened on my behalf and put certain people in my life, it is doubtful that I would be writing this today.  I say all this because I want you to know that I have been there.  I know how bad it hurts.  If you hear me say nothing else I beg you to hear me say this….there is hope for you.  I have experienced the intense pain and overwhelming sorrow, but I have also experienced the joy that comes with healing.  I recognize that I’m nowhere close to completing this journey, but I am so much further than I once was.  I look back with a grateful heart that God spared me from making the biggest mistake of my life.  He was protecting me as I spit a mouthful of pills into the toilet when I was a teenager.  He was with me in those days when I lived at home and tried to escape from the emotional pain by cutting my legs with a razor blade.  He was with me then just as He is with me now.  He has a plan for my future.  My life is worth living…..and your life is worth living too.  You are a prized treasure.  Don't give up because in Him, hope abounds.