The beautiful feet....

When I was able to go back to work and take care of myself again, I put all of my effort into putting back on my mask that had once fit so conveniently.  After the response I got from my family, I figured putting the mask back on was my best option....the only option.  However, for some reason this once snug-fitting mask now seemed quite uncomfortable.  Now that I had exposed the truth, no matter what I tried I could no longer wear the fake, secret keeping mask with ease any longer.  Trying to hide the disturbing secret that I was sexually abused kept me isolated from forming any healthy human relationships.  I became withdrawn, lonely, and empty inside.  I was broken.   

Living a life void of any hope is a very dangerous place to be, yet this is exactly where I found myself.  I did not know where to turn or who to turn to.  I knew God was there somewhere, but could He hear me? Did He care?  Like many of you, I came to the conclusion that my dirty past had so disappointed God that perhaps there was no hope.  As I believed the lies satan continually whispered in my ears...that I was unlovable, unworthy, dirty....I began to lose faith that I would ever survive this.  I have to be completely honest with you, there were times when I even thought about giving up on life itself.  Thank God I never acted on it, but the thoughts definitely entered my mind.  Even as I lost sight of hope, God never lost sight of me.

Just as I was giving up, God's provision prevailed.  In the depths of loneliness and despair when I was desperate for help,  two women I knew from work began to love and care about me.  They invited me into their homes and into their families and loved me like their own.  As they invested into my life, I began to share with them bits and pieces of my story.  Every time I expected them to look at me with disgust and send me packing, but instead they just kept loving me.

At a ladies retreat through my church this weekend we talked about verse in Romans that says, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news."  When I think of this verse and what it looks like to have beautiful feet like this, I think of my two dear friends who walked into my life and rescued me. When I had no hope, they held the hope for me.  When my faith was almost gone, they held onto the faith for me.  They encouraged me and supported me and provided me a safe place to heal.  If their beautiful feet would not have walked into my life when they did, I do not know where I would be today.

I want you to know that God never loses sight of his children.  In the darkest hour in my life, God was still there even though I couldn't see Him.  He had a plan and knew just the right moment and the right people to put into my life.  Never in a million years would I have imagined when God put these two women into my life, that one of them would become like a mother to me.  The Bible says that God restores to us what the locusts have eaten, and for me, that manifested in a person who I can't imagine having gone through life without knowing.  God has used her to change my life in so many ways and she has been such a vital part of my healing process.  I could not have have taken this journey without her, and God knew it.  He did hear my cry.....and I promise He hears yours too.  The journey has been long and often very painful, but God has walked every step with me and He will walk every step with you too.  Just don't give up.