Shark-free Sunday...

During a Bible study I was in last year my group got into a discussion about the importance of solid friendships and basically just sharing life with one another.  We were talking about making sure you choose wisely who you confide in when one of the girls in the class made the statement, "never bleed in front of sharks."  I can remember nothing else about what was said during group that day because I was completely fixated on that statement.  Never bleed in front of sharks....what a profound message in regards to sexual abuse.  Having a support system in place as you process through and heal from the deep wounds created by sexual abuse is vital to recovery.  Talking about the horrible things that happened to you and sharing the painful memories with safe people produces hope, strength, encouragement and the list goes on.  But let me warn you as you enlist the support of others...you must beware of sharks.

Sharks come in all shapes, colors, and sizes.  Sometimes you can spot a shark from a mile away and other times they sneak up on you when you least expect it.  Some sharks are satisfied with just a little nibble while others have an insatiable desire to destroy their prey.  Sharks tell you things like, "why can't you just forget it, it was a long time ago," "you should have told somebody when it happened," "what did you do to make this happen," "if you tell it will destroy our family."  Sharks encourage you to keep the secret and reprimand you when you seek out help.  Sharks are masters of manipulation and use every tool available to keep you from bringing the truth to light.  An encounter with a shark when you are not prepared is a guarantee for emotional exhaustion and often leaves you deeply wounded.  No matter what the shark looks like or what method they use for attack, they all have one thing in common...they are out for blood.

Let me tell you from my own personal experience, nothing hurts worse than the sharp teeth of a ferocious shark...the piercing pain of their bite is almost unbearable. What's worse is that my sharks were disguised as the people I should have been able to trust the most, my family. Every time I tried to go to my biological family for support, I walked away with more guilt, more shame, and ultimately an even more wounded heart.  I so desperately wanted them to love me and help me that I continually set myself up to get hurt over and over again.  Each time I held on to what little hope I had left that this time would be different....this time they would encourage me....this time they wouldn't hurt me.  Each time they proved me wrong.  In the words of Maya Angelou, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."  My family had shown me who they were time and time again, but it wasn't until I finally believed them that I was able to come to the harsh reality that they were, indeed, my sharks.  

Over time I learned that if I wanted to avoid the pain of a brutal attack, I could not allow myself to emotionally "bleed" in front of my sharks.  On Sundays after church I attended a sexual abuse support group with an amazing group of women who I grew to love dearly.  Though this group played a major role in my healing and I would encourage any survivor to go through it, I left that group emotionally drained week after week.  I made a decision that on Sunday I would have no contact with my biological family in order to protect myself from being hurt...hence the term Shark Free Sunday.    On days when I went to counseling or just felt emotionally down, I made sure I stayed clear of any sharks.  Oh how I wish I would have learned this valuable lesson long before I did.  It would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Though I have many scars to represent the painful attacks I have experienced on this journey, they also represent survival.  A scar at one time was an open and painful wound, but when it scars over it is officially healed.  Every scar I have earned reminds me that though I have sharks waiting to attack at any moment, I also have a Healer and His name is Jesus.  He has proven His faithfulness to me day after day and He has never withheld His unconditional love for me.  He is there on my best days to share my joy and He is there on my worst days to give me comfort.  He has shown me who He is...and I believe Him.